So... a really honest one... to vent i suppose..

Warning, whinging and regret venting ahead!!! Proceed at own risk!! There is a point after which your own toolishness can only amaze, and its always after this point, when you have to dig yourself out of your own hole, that this becomes apparent. Still jobless, well waiting on job stuff to work out, I have come to the realization that I have been running from a good thing for a really long time and now that really good thing is gone. While in the Holy Land, I had a minor freak out and this led me to make a terrible decision, which was breaking up with the greatest girl I know, (sorry Jordan, you're lovely but well... you're a man, no matter what you may think.) Having been regretting it ever since, I had planned to come back and work stuff out, but now as it happens she is going out with a really nice bloke (said in truth). I don't really want to whinge to much about this but none of my friends at home read this so I won't have to put up with to much from it so its OK and I needed to get that out. Call it a confession if you will but keeping stuff like that in hurts and admittance is the first step toward recovery apparently, I'm not sure if there is a 12 step program for being stupid but I assume they translate across issues... So now I am alone and jobless... fun. I find out about a potential job on Monday and that'll help, only if I get it obviously, but hey, I'm being proactive. The previously mentioned gig has since passed and did so without major rumblings, I just don't like playing my own stuff on stage, I know I am as boisterous as one can be, but it just feels bad, end of story. I love playing with other folk and working on their songs but I'm just not up for the solo singer songwriter thing. On the positive side, all my homies are good, and the great gaping void that I thought would be left between me and folk from the B dubya C is not there. The source of much smiles and happiness, facebook is great, so's skype, aw hell even msn has its good points. So for all the ladies out there let this be a validation of everything you have thought of men for years, most men are not as silly and wussy as me but still there are some of us, and on our own heads be it, most of the time we don't end up losing our best friends and the person we love in the one package but hey, I like to push the envelope in all my doings. If your gonna do something wrong, do it right huh? I suffer under no illusion that this current state of affairs will last, a job will come and the world will turn, but I'm gonna be dealing with this one for a long time... God I'm such a wuss, look and me moaning like a fish wife. Only thing that makes this OK in my head is that I'm not forcing this on anyone. YOU CHOSE TO READ THIS, AND YOU CAN'T UNREAD IT HAHAHAHA!!!. I'm not sure if I'm going to post again for a little while, this still feels like staying in my head to much and that is a dangerous thing, but as I have said in the past I do really enjoy this so we'll see. I will however definitely update on the job thing and any other changes for the...Better? I hope so anyway. God Bless. P.S. The drum and bass its whats keeping me alive right now, God bless these saw band bass lines and life giving beats.